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Table of Contents – Laws of Islam Concerning Women and Men

 

 

Laws of Religion

Laws of Islam Concerning Women and Men

 

3.  Finding a Spouse

from the Qur’an,

major hadith collections

and Islamic jurisprudence

 

 

Finding a Spouse

     From the Qur’an

 

The Qur’an says that a person should marry someone who is unmarried or a slave who is righteous. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them.[1] A man should pursue a woman with his wealth for purpose of marriage, not licentiousness.[2]

 

The Qur’an says that upon marriage, a man should give his wife a bridal payment (mahr^*) as if it were a free gift. If she chooses to return part of it, he should accept it.[3]

 

According to the Qur’an, a man who does not have sufficient wealth to marry should remain chaste until Allah enriches him.[4] If such a man is afraid of falling into sin, he should marry a believing female slave.[5]  He should get permission from her owner[6] or award her her freedom.[7] He is to give her a bridal payment (mahr).[8] It is to be an honorable marriage, not lewdness or the taking of a lover.[9] If the slave-girl wishes to remain chaste, she should not be compelled into prostitution – though if a man does compel her in this way, Allah is forgiving and compassionate.[10]

 

The Qur’an permits a man to have up to four wives. However, if he fears that he will not be able to treat them all equitably, he should marry only one or else take a slave woman, which will help prevent him from doing wrong.[11] A man cannot, in fact, treat all his wives equitably, as much as he would wish to do so. Even so, he should not totally neglect any one of his wives.[12]

 

It is forbidden for a man to inherit a woman against her will.[13] (Editor’s note:  This Quranic verse (4:19) is explained in a hadith[14], discussed here, as prohibiting the prevailing practice of marrying the wife of one’s deceased brother or other close relative.)

 

The Qur’an forbids a man to marry his mother, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, son’s wife, sister of a current wife, mother-in-law or step-daughter who is the child of his wife and is in his care – this last prohibition does not go into effect until the man has sexual intercourse with that wife.[15] Also, it is forbidden for a man to marry a woman who had been his father’s wife.[16] Also forbidden to a man for marriage are a woman who has suckled him or who has been suckled by the same woman as he has.[17] The Qur’an (4:24) says that a man may wed any woman other than those listed as forbidden.[18]

 

The Qur’an (4:24) says that a woman who is married to someone else is forbidden to a man unless that woman is his slave.[19] This prohibition occurs in a section of the Qur’an listing those women who are forbidden for marriage, and so it is often read as meaning that it is permitted to marry a slave who is already married. However, a hadith says that this verse of the Qur’an (4:24) means that it is permitted to have sexual intercourse with a married woman who has been captured in battle (and is thus a slave) after the normal iddah period has elapsed.[20]

 

According to the Qur’an, a man may marry the wife of his adopted son once they are divorced.[21] The issue of marrying a divorced woman as discussed in the Qur’an is summarized here, on the page concerning divorce.

 

No man was to marry one of Muhammad’s widows.[22]

 

The Qur’an says that a Muslim man may marry a woman from the People of the Book (Jews, Christians). A man is lawfully permitted virtuous believing Muslim women and also virtuous Jewish and Christian women, but only in wedlock, with the bridal payment (mahr), and not for fornication outside of marriage or as secret lovers.[23]

 

The Qur’an says that a Muslim should not marry a polytheist. It is better to marry a believing slave than a free polytheist no matter how pleasing the polytheist may be.[24] (Editor’s note: The word "polytheist" here refers to those who ascribe divinity to anything other than Allah.) Jews say that Ezra is the Son of Allah and take their rabbis as lords alongside Allah. Christians say that Jesus is the Son of Allah and take him and their monks as lords alongside Allah. Thus do they ascribe divinity to those other than Allah, according to the Qur’an.[25]

 

The Qur’an says that a marriage between a believing woman and an unbelieving man is not lawful.[26] Unbelieving women and unbelieving men will invite one to the fire of Hell, while Allah invites to the garden of Paradise and to forgiveness.[27]

 

In the Qur’an, Allah decrees what a man should do if he desires to marry a female orphan under his protection without giving her what is due to her.  Orphans are to be treated justly.[28] If a man feels that he cannot act justly toward orphans, he should marry from among other women who he finds suitable.[29]

 

Finding a Spouse

From the hadith compilations of al-Bukhari and Muslim

 

Contents

 

It is best to marry (hadith)

 

Which women are best? (hadith)

 

Relatives forbidden for marriage (hadith)

 

Relatives by suckling forbidden for marriage (hadith)

 

Marriage of a divorced woman or a widow (hadith)

 

Minimum age for marriage (hadith)

 

Consent of woman before marriage (hadith)

 

Proposing to an engaged woman (hadith)

 

Temporary marriage – mut’a (hadith)

 

 

It is best to marry (hadith). A hadith reports that Muhammad said that marriage is a most worthy state that must be achieved.[30] The fact that Muhammad, the best person among the Muslims, had more wives than any other Muslim leads to the conclusion that marriage is a good thing and a person should marry.[31] Muhammad opposed living a life of celibacy.[32] He said that those who choose not to marry women are failing to follow the tradition set by the example of Muhammad himself, since Muhammad was married.[33]

 

Muhammad said that every man who can support a wife should marry.[34] He said that this is because marriage helps keep a man from looking at other women and having unlawful sexual relations.[35] If a man is unable to marry, Muhammad recommended fasting as a way of reducing sexual desire.[36] When men with no wives wanted to get castrated, Muhammad forbade that[37] (though in one recorded hadith he expresses indifference about whether a young unmarried man should get himself castrated[38]).

 

 

Which women are best? (hadith) Hadiths quote Muhammad as saying that a woman is chosen to be a wife because of her wealth, family status, beauty and religion, so choose one who is religious.[39] A pious woman is the most beneficial thing in the world.[40] If a man dislikes something about a believing woman, he will find something else about her to like.[41]

 

When Jabir (one of Muhammad’s companions) said he had married a previously-married woman, Muhammad asked him why he was not marrying a virgin so they could enjoy fondling and playing together.[42] Jabir replied that he wanted a wife who could help and teach manners to his young sisters, since their father had died.[43] Muhammad expressed his agreement with that decision.[44]

 

Muhammad’s wife Aisha said that when she was young women ate little and did not get fat[45] (implying that as she grew older, it was more common for women to eat more and get fat.) Fat women are said in the hadiths to be desirable for marriage, with one of them described as having skin that folds four times in the front of her body and eight times on her back.[46] It is said that a fat wife will arouse the jealousy of a man’s other wives.[47]

 

One hadith says that a man should not marry a woman who says that Jesus is her Lord.[48] (Editor’s note:  This statement against marrying Christian women is not attributed in the hadith to Muhammad, but rather to Ibn Umar, the son of the second successor to Muhammad as leader of the community of Muslims. Verses from the Qur’an on this topic are summarized above.)

 

Muhammad said that the best wives among those women who ride camels are the pious women of the Quraish (the tribe Muhammad was from). They are kind to their children and careful with their husbands’ wealth.[49] Muhammad cautioned against marrying a woman from the Ansar, however, saying that there is something in the eyes of those people.[50] (The Ansar were people who lived in Medina before Muhammad and the Muslims arrived and who helped Muhammad and the Muslims.)

 

 

Relatives forbidden for marriage (hadith). It is forbidden for a man to marry his niece,[51] a sister of one of his wives,[52] an aunt of one of his wives[53] or a paternal aunt of his father-in-law.[54]

 

Muhammad forbade the practice of shigar,[55] in which two men marry each other’s daughters[56] or sisters[57] without either one paying mahr^*.

 

A family member of a brother in Islam (fellow Muslim) is permitted for marriage though that same family member, such as a daughter, of an actual brother is forbidden.[58]

 

 

Relatives by suckling forbidden for marriage (hadith). Hadiths explain that when a person has been suckled by a woman, it is as if that women were that person’s mother for purposes of determining who is forbidden to marry another.[59] This applies only when the suckling is done by an infant whose only food is the milk.[60]

 

One[61] or two[62] sucklings are not sufficient to establish relationships that prohibit marriage. It was first said that it required ten clear sucklings to do so, but this was then changed to five clear sucklings.[63]

 

For example, two people who have been suckled by the same woman are brother and sister by suckling, and thus forbidden to marry each other.[64] Similarly, if two men were suckled by the same woman, one of the men cannot marry the daughter of the other man since she is his niece by suckling.[65]

 

A woman is also the niece by suckling of a man whose brother’s wife suckled her; thus they are forbidden from marrying.[66] A woman is forbidden from marrying a man whose child was suckled by the same woman that she was suckled by; that man is her uncle by suckling.[67]

 

 

Marriage of a divorced woman or a widow (hadith). The issues of marrying a divorced woman or widow as discussed in the hadiths, including the waiting period (‘iddah) for divorced women and widows, are summarized on the pages concerning divorce and widows.

 

 

Minimum age for marriage (hadith). While there is no statement in the hadiths as to what the minimum age is for marriage, it is stated that Muhammad contracted his marriage to Aisha when she was six[68] or seven[69] years old.  Aisha remained at her mother’s house[70] until she was nine years old. Then she joined Muhammad’s household[71]and the marriage was consummated at that time, when she was nine years old.[72] She was playing on a swing when Muhammad came to get her.[73] She was still playing with dolls at that time[74] and continued to play with dolls during her married life with Muhammad.[75] Aisha explained later how, as a little girl she enjoyed the amusement of watching black, Ethiopian men playing with their spears.[76] Muhammad screened the young Aisha with his cloak as she watched the men.[77]

 

The Qur’an says that for women who have despaired of menstruating, the waiting period after divorce is three months before marriage is permitted.[78] A hadith says that this includes girls who have not yet menstruated; such prepubescent females must wait three months after divorce before remarrying.[79] (This implies that girls who have not yet reached puberty may be married.)

 

 

 

Consent of woman before marriage (hadith). Hadiths report that Muhammad said that a virgin must give her permission before being given in marriage.[80] The silence of a virgin when asked about a prospective marriage implies her consent.[81]

 

Muhammad said that a previously married woman[82] or a female slave[83] should be consulted before she is given in marriage. A previously married woman has more right to determine her own fate than her guardian has.[84] When a previously married woman did not want to get married to a man but her father gave her to him in marriage anyway, Muhammad said that the marriage was not valid.[85]

 

 

Additional summaries discussing consent before marriage (hadith)

 

 

Proposing to an engaged woman (hadith). A man should not propose marriage to a woman who is already engaged to marry another Muslim man[86] or who has had marriage proposed to her by another Muslim man[87] unless that man leaves her[88] or gives his permission.[89]

 

 

Temporary marriage – mut’a (hadith). Hadiths report that Muhammad permitted temporary marriage (nikah-al-mut’a or, simply, mut’a) when his men were at war without women. In doing so he implied that this was to be a general permission, not just a temporary one, by reciting the verse from the Qur’an (5:87):  "O you who believe! Do not make unlawful the good things which Allah has made lawful for you."[90] Such temporary marriage required that the man give a gift to the woman in exchange for her acting as his wife for a short period of time.[91] It is reported that Muhammad permitted such temporary marriage without any restrictions[92] as long as the marriage lasted at least three nights.[93] But one reported hadith says that such arrangements are only to be contracted when it is a matter of great need and women are scarce.[94] One hadith says it was only Muhammad’s companions who were permitted to engage in temporary marriages.[95]

 

Eventually, the practice of temporary marriage was prohibited, either by Muhammad himself[96] or by Umar (the third leader of the Muslims after Muhammad and Abu Bakr).[97] Although temporary marriage was forbidden by Muhammad, some scholars said that any such marriage is valid but the condition is not (implying that it is a permanent marriage rather than being temporary). Others said that such a marriage is invalid.[98]

 

 

Additional summaries concerning finding a spouse (hadith)

The topics covered are:

Muhrim forbidden to marry;

Special case of Muhammad forbidding a marriage;

Qur’an verse on orphans and marriage explained by Aisha.

 

Finding a Spouse

From Islamic Jurisprudence (fiqh/sharia^§):  The Distinguished Jurist’s Primer of Ibn Rushd, the Risala of al-Shafi‛i and Reliance of the Traveller

 

Contents

 

Who should get married? (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia)

 

Desirable characteristics of a spouse (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia)

 

People forbidden as spouses or enslaved concubines (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia)

 

Minimum age for marriage (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia)

 

Seeing the woman and proposing marriage (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia)

 

Compelling marriage and consenting to it (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia)

 

 

Who should get married? (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia). Most scholars^** say that marriage is recommended. The followers of Malik say that marriage is required for some, recommended for some and permitted for others depending on the degree of the person’s fear of falling into evil.[99]

 

According to Reliance of the Traveller (Shafiʽi school), a man who needs to marry because he desires sexual intercourse should marry if he has enough money to do so. If he does not have enough money, he should suppress his sexual urges by fasting.  A 19^th century commentator cited in Reliance of the Traveller says that if fasting does not work, the man should borrow the money for the bridal payment (mahr^*) if she will not agree to allow him to owe it to her.[100]

 

A man who does not have a need to marry is permitted, but not required, to marry if he has enough money to do so. If he is not devoting his time to worship, then it is preferable for him to marry.[101]

 

A woman who needs to marry should do so but if she does not have such a personal need then it is offensive for her to marry.[102]

 

A free man may have up to four wives.  Most scholars agree that more is forbidden.[103] According to Reliance of the Traveller (Shafiʽi school), it is more fitting for a man to have only one wife.[104] Malik says that a slave may also have up to four wives, but al-Shafiʽi and Abu Hanifa say only two.[105]

 

Reliance of the Traveller says temporary marriage (mut’a) in which the time period of the marriage is limited and stated in advance, is invalid.[106]

 

 

Desirable characteristics of a spouse (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia). According to Reliance of the Traveller, the recommended characteristics in selecting a wife are virginity, fertility, attractiveness, intelligence, religiosity, good family and not being a close relative (mahram) forbidden for marriage.[107]

 

Malik, Abu Hanifa and al-Shafiʽi agree that a person has the option of dissolving a marriage if certain defects are discovered in the spouse, though some other scholars disagree with this.[108] Therefore, these possible defects, described on the page concerning divorce, should be considered in the process of finding a spouse.

 

 

People forbidden as spouses or enslaved concubines (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia). The scholars^** agree that a man is permitted to have sexual intercourse with his wife or with a slave he owns that he is not married to (a concubine).[109]

 

Slaves and free women may marry slaves.[110] Malik, Abu Hanifa, and al-Shafiʽi agree that a free man may marry a female slave only if he lacks the bridal payment (mahr^*) needed for a free woman or to prevent him from sinning that would result from sexual desire.[111]

 

It is forbidden to marry or take as an enslaved concubine specific close relatives (mahram) by descent or by marriage.[112] Women forbidden as wives or enslaved concubines by blood relationship are one’s mother, grandmothers (and upwards), daughters, children’s female descendants, sisters, nieces and nephews and their female descendants, aunts and great-aunts (and upwards).[113] Women forbidden as wives or enslaved concubines due to a relationship by marriage are one’s wife’s mother and grandmother, the wives of his father or father’s father (etc.) and the wives of one’s children and their descendants.[114]

 

A woman who suckles a baby becomes, for purposes of marriage prohibitions, like the mother of that baby.  She, her parents, her children, her husband, and other relatives, become forbidden in marriage to the baby and the baby’s relatives as if she were the mother of the baby.[115] Reliance of the Traveller (Shafiʽi school) explains that breast-feeding a baby only results in subsequent marriage prohibitions of the baby to the woman’s relatives if the breast-feeding woman is at least nine years old, the baby is less than two years old and the breast-feeding occurs on at least five separate occasions.[116] If the milk of the breast-feeding woman exists as a result of a pregnancy resulting from sexual intercourse with her husband, then her husband is also prohibited from marrying the baby and its descendants.[117]

 

Those who have become unmarriageable kin through breast-feeding are, as a result, permitted to look at each other of the opposite sex, just as they can with their biological relatives of the opposite sex.[118]

 

The scholars agree that it is forbidden to propose marriage to a woman who has a pending marriage proposal already.[119]

 

It is forbidden to marry an idol-worshipping woman[120] or an apostate from Islam.[121] A 20^th century commentator cited in Reliance of the Traveller says that the marriage of a Muslim man is valid only if his wife is Muslim, Jewish or Christian. A Muslim woman can only marry a Muslim man.[122]

 

After an irrevocable divorce, the couple may not be remarried unless the woman first marries another man and has intercourse with him, followed either by divorce or death of the second husband.[123]

 

Malik, al-Shafiʽi and the Shafiʽi school say that a man can never remarry a woman who was divorced from him following his public accusation of her adultery (li’an). Abu Hanifa says that such remarriage is permitted if the husband recants his accusation and is punished for making the false accusation.[124]

 

It is forbidden to marry a woman during her waiting period (iddah) following divorce or the death of her husband.[125]

 

 

More detailed summaries concerning who is permitted and who is forbidden as a spouse or enslaved concubine (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia)

 

 

Minimum age for marriage (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia).  While no specific minimum age for marriage is specified, there are many references in the jurisprudence of Islam to situations in which a married male or female has not yet reached puberty. These include issues concerning contracting for marriage of a prepubescent person, forcing a prepubescent person to marry (discussed below), providing maintenance for a wife when one spouse or the other is prepubescent, the validity of pronouncements of divorce made by a prepubescent husband and the waiting period before a divorced prepubescent female may remarry. Thus, reaching the age of puberty is not a requirement for getting married.

 

 

Seeing the woman and proposing marriage (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia). Glancing at a woman before proposing marriage to her is completely forbidden by some scholars and permitted by others to varying degrees. Some permit seeing the whole body except for the private parts. Al-Shafiʽi and the Shafiʽi school say only the face and hands may be seen before proposing marriage, while Malik includes the feet in addition to the face and hands.[126] Reliance of the Traveller (Shafiʽi school) says that glancing at the woman’s face and hands may be done multiple times even if she does not give permission.[127]

 

The majority of scholars agree that there is no required form a proposal of marriage must take.    [128]

 

 

Compelling marriage and consenting to it (jurisprudence/fiqh/sharia). The scholars^** agree that a free man above age of puberty must give consent to be married[129] as must a non-virgin woman above puberty.[130] Al-Shafiʽi says that a father can force a virgin female above puberty to marry, while Abu Hanifa says that her consent must be considered; Malik expressed both views.[131]

 

A boy who has not achieved puberty or a virgin girl below puberty can be forced to marry by their father.[132] Malik and Abu Hanifa says that a father can force a non-virgin girl below puberty to marry, but al-Shafiʽi says that her father should not force her.[133] (Reliance of the Traveller explains that puberty applies when a person’s first wet dream occurs or when the age of 15 is reached or when a female first menstruates or becomes pregnant[134]).

 

Reliance of the Traveller (Shafiʽi school) says that a free woman has the right to marry a suitor if she wants to and he is a suitable match. If her guardian refuses or is far away or is in a state of ihram, then the Islamic magistrate is to perform the marriage.[135] However, if the woman is a virgin and her guardian is her father or her father’s father, then that guardian may compel her to marry a different man than the one she chose.[136] If the man the virgin has chosen to marry is a suitable match, then she can only be compelled by her father or father’s father to marry a different man if he is also a suitable match.[137]

 

A match is suitable unless it is between an Arab woman and a non-Arab man, a virtuous woman and a corrupt man, a woman whose father is of a higher level profession (e.g., merchant) and a man with a lower level profession (e.g., tailor), or between a man with defects that would permit annulling the marriage and a woman who does not have such defects.[138] A woman may be married to an unsuitable match only if she, her guardian and others eligible to be her guardian all consent to the marriage.[139]

 

A man or a non-virgin woman give consent by speaking.[140] A virgin female who is consulted about her marriage gives consent by silence but expresses her objection by speaking.[141]

 

Reliance of the Traveller (Shafiʽi school) says that only a virgin’s father or her father’s father can force her to marry over her objection. The groom must be a suitable match.[142] The followers of al-Shafiʽi hold that if a woman’s guardian who is giving her away in marriage is not her father or grandfather, then her consent must be spoken, even if she is a virgin.[143] A father or father’s father of a young child can only decide to marry that child to someone who does not have physical defects that would permit dissolving the marriage.[144]

 

Malik says that a master can force his slave to marry while al-Shafiʽi and Abu Hanifa disagree.[145]

 

________________

 

^*Mahr is a payment given by the groom to the bride upon their marriage.

 

^**Islamic scholars disagree on certain points of law based on different methodologies used in deriving the law from the Qur’an and the traditions (sunna) concerning the life of Muhammad and his closest companions, particularly as expressed in the compiled hadiths. There are four major schools of jurisprudence in Sunni Islam: the Maliki, the Hanafi, the Shafi‛i and the Hanbali. These names are derived from the individual scholars considered to have been the founders of each school: Malik, Abu Hanifa, al-Shafi‛i and Ahmad ibn Hanbal, respectively. The source texts we have used to prepare our summaries of Islamic jurisprudence contain the legal views of these different founders and schools, as described at Source Texts Used for Laws of Islam.

 

^§The specific derived laws of fiqh summarized here are often loosely referred to by the more general term sharia.

________________

 

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Table of Contents – Laws of Islam Concerning Women and Men

Abbreviations used in footnotes:

QR:   Qur’an, with surahs (chapters) and ayahs (verses) numbered as in most modern translations, including those found here, here and here.

BK:    Hadith collection of al-Bukhari as found here (USC/CMJE website) and here (ebook download). In a few instances, the hadiths on the USC website differ from those in the ebook download, either by having slightly different numbering of the hadiths or because the hadith appears only on the USC site and not in the ebook download. Such cases are noted in the footnotes by putting either “(USC)” or “(ebook)” after the relevant hadith number when it applies to only one of these two sources. Part or all of the hadith collections of al-Bukhari, with somewhat different numbering systems, can also be found here, here and here.

ML:    Hadith collection of Muslim as found here and here. Part or all of the hadith collection of Muslim, with somewhat different numbering systems, can also be found here and here.

DJP:  The Distinguished Jurist’s Primer, by Ibn Rushd, translated by Imran Ahsan Khan Nyazee, published by Garnet Publishing Ltd, Reading, UK. Volume 1, 1994. Volume 2, 1996. Full text online and download for Volume 1 are here and here and for Volume 2 are here and here.

RT:    Reliance of the Traveller: A Classic Manual of Islamic Sacred Law by Ahmad ibn Naqib al-Misri, translated by Nuh Ha Mim Keller, revised edition 1994, published by Amana Publications, Beltsville, Maryland, USA.  Reliance of the Traveller can be found here and here.

SR:    al-Shafi‛i’s Risala: Treatise on the Foundations of Islamic Jurisprudence, translated by Majid Khadduri, Second Edition, published by The Islamic Texts Society.

●  The sources cited are described on the page Source Texts Used for Laws of Islam.