The Torah tells the story of how Jacob intended to marry Rachel, but Rachel’s father Laban brought Rachel’s sister, Leah, to Jacob instead at night. Jacob had sexual intercourse with Leah and, as a result, was married to her although he did not realize until the morning that it was Leah rather than Rachel.[1] (Thus, the act of sexual intercourse with the intention to become married was sufficient to accomplish the marriage.)

If the ketubah was based on the understanding that the woman was a virgin and thus entitled to 200 denar, her husband may then claim that she was, in fact, not a virgin. No such claim may be made if the woman was considered entitled to a ketubah of only 100 denar.[40] In general, the husband is to be believed if he says that his wife was not a virgin either because she did not bleed upon their first sexual intercourse or because he found her vagina to be loose rather than tight as a virgin's.[41] However, if the claim is based on lack of bleeding, the woman is to be believed if she says that she had fallen and a piece of wood or the ground took her virginity, but her minimum ketubah amount is nevertheless reduced from 200 to 100 denar.[42] If she says that her lack of bleeding is because she had been raped by another man since her betrothal she is to be believed and her ketubah amount remains at 200 denar.[43] Also, if the women in her family say that they did not bleed upon first intercourse, she is adjudged to have been a virgin though she did not bleed.[44] If the woman is seriously ill or starving, she is to be restored to health and it is to be determined whether she was a virgin based upon whether she bleeds upon intercourse then, when healthy.[45] If the charge of non-virginity is based on lack of tightness of the vagina during sexual intercourse, the bride is assumed to have been a virgin if she is a mature woman^*** because mature women usually lose their vaginal tightness.[46]

If the husband's accusation of non-virginity of his wife results in her losing the required minimum ketubah of 200 denar and he chooses to stay married to her, he must immediately write a new ketubah with the minimum amount of 100 rather than 200 denar.[47] She remains entitled to any additional amount the husband had added to the original ketubah unless it is proven or she admits that she had deceived him and was not a virgin at the time of their betrothal.[48]

Betrothal

Finalization of marriage

Accusation of non-virginity

Betrothal (Shulchan Aruch). The finalization of a marriage must be preceded by betrothal^*.[49] Betrothal means that the man and woman are married in the sense that if she has sexual intercourse with another man then this is adultery. Also, she needs to obtain a get (bill of divorce) from the man she is betrothed to before she can marry another man.[50]

A declaration of betrothal is valid even if the man who makes the declaration is very drunk when he makes it. If he is as drunk as Lot was, however, it is invalid.[51] (Editor’s note: This refers to the Bible story[52] in which Lot’s daughters got him drunk and then seduced him).

A man is not responsible for providing food for the woman he is betrothed to.[53]

A woman becomes betrothed to a man by sexual intercourse, by him paying money or by a written contract.[54]

A betrothal by sexual intercourse requires that the man declares the intent of the intercourse to her before two witnesses and then the two go into seclusion and have either vaginal or anal intercourse.[55] While betrothal through sexual intercourse is in the Torah, the rabbis forbade this. So, while such a betrothal is valid, the man involved in such a betrothal is liable for a flogging for disobedience.[56]

However, if a man divorces his wife or his betrothed and then has sexual intercourse with her before she marries someone else, they are married and require a second get (bill of divorce) in order to become divorced. This sexual intercourse must be witnessed by others. Isserles^§§§ says: Even if there are no direct witnesses, it is sufficient if it is clear to those around them that they had sexual intercourse.[57] This remarriage is effected even if the man does not declare that the intercourse is for the purpose of marriage. Such a declaration of intent is required for a marriage to any other woman, however, because it is assumed that intercourse with another woman is a matter of licentiousness, but intercourse with his divorced wife is presumed not to be licentious.[58]

A woman who is betrothed to a man is forbidden from having sexual relations with him until their marriage is finalized and she moves from her father's house to her husband's. If they were betrothed through sexual intercourse, they may not repeat the act before marriage. Isserles^§§§ says: A betrothed couple is not even permitted to be secluded with each other until the final marriage.[59]

A betrothal by payment requires the man to give the woman something of sufficient value in front of two witnesses and say the proper words of betrothal.[60]

To effect a betrothal by a document, the man writes "Behold, you are betrothed to me" on a paper or pottery shard and gives it to the woman in front of witnesses. This is to be done only with the woman's consent.[61] If the female is less than 12-1/2 years old and being given for betrothal by her father, the document is written to the father, saying, "Your daughter is betrothed to me."[62]

When a girl is less than 12-1/2 years of age, her father may marry her off without her knowledge. All that she possesses belongs to her father, including the money received from the man she becomes betrothed to. If she is over three years old, she can be married through sexual intercourse with her father's approval. Such sexual intercourse does not effect betrothal if she is less than three years old^§.[63]

If a female below 12-1/2 years old is betrothed without her father's consent, the betrothal is not valid.[64] If a girl less than 12 years old is betrothed with her father's consent, but the marriage is finalized without his consent, the marriage is not valid.[65]

A father should not marry off his daughter until she is over 12 years of age and is old enough to say who she wants to marry. Isserles^§§§  says: It is the custom to marry off one's daughter who is less than 12 years old because the Jews live in lands controlled by others and do not always have enough for a dowry and also because the population of Jews is low and it is not always possible to find a suitable mate.[66] Isserles says: In our time it is agreed that a girl less than 12 years old may refuse a marriage.[67] When a young girl has been betrothed and the man wants to finalize the marriage, she or her father can prevent this until she is 12 years old. Then she may marry if she chooses to, though doing so without her father's consent is inappropriate.[68]

Once a female is over 12-1/2 years old, she can be betrothed or married only with her consent.[69]

A man may betroth more than one woman at the same time.[70] If a man betroths at the same time two women who are forbidden to him because of their relation to each other, such as two sisters or a mother and her daughter, then neither betrothal is valid.[71]

Finalization of marriage (Shulchan Aruch). Marriage is finalized when a man takes his betrothed^* woman into his house, is secluded with her and makes her exclusively his own. A betrothed couple who recite the appropriate blessing for marriage and then have sexual intercourse have finalized the marriage as soon as the man enters the woman. Isserles^§§§ says: There are several opinions as to how a marriage is finalized, but the custom now is for the betrothed couple to say the proper blessings while standing under a cloth raised on poles (huppah) and then to walk to their house and share a meal in seclusion.[72]

Following betrothal, if a man says the proper blessings for the finalization of marriage, the couple is still not married until they are both beneath the huppah.[73] In fact, if a man brings his betrothed under the huppah with him, they are fully married even if he has not said the proper blessings. He may return, even several days later, to recite the blessings.[74]

A man must write a ketubah (marriage contract) before bringing his bride under the huppah for finalization of the marriage.[75]

The six blessings of the groom, following a wine blessing, are to be made in the groom's house prior to the ceremony finalizing the marriage.[76] A man who marries more than one woman on the same day should do so with one groom's blessing for all of them.[77]

Ashes are to be put on the forehead of the groom in memory of the Temple in Jerusalem.[78]

A man is forbidden to seclude himself with his bride to finalize marriage unless he has written a ketubah (marriage contract) that obligates him to pay her the appropriate amount of money.[79] The ketubah amount is collected by the wife only after divorce or the death of her husband. If the husband added gifts to the ketubah amount, the wife collects the gifts while he is alive unless the local custom dictates otherwise.[80] The groom pays the scribe's fee for writing the ketubah.[81]

If the bride is a virgin, the ketubah is for 200 zuz.[82] If she was previously married (with the marriage finalized) and then divorced or widowed, the appropriate amount is 100 zuz, even if she was never alone with her previous husband.[83] However, if she is not over three years old and had previously been married and had sexual intercourse with her husband, her ketubah is the 200 zuz as is appropriate for a virgin^§.[84] Also, a woman who had sexual intercourse with a boy less than nine years old^§§ is entitled to the 200 zuz ketubah appropriate for a virgin unless her hymen was broken; if it was broken by intercourse with the boy then her ketubah is 100 zuz.

If the bride is a convert or emancipated slave or has been held captive, then her ketubah amount is 200 zuz if her conversion, emancipation or captivity occurred when she was no more than three years old^§; if she was over three years old, she has lost any claim of virginity and her ketubah is 100 zuz.[85]

The groom may increase the amount specified in the ketubah.[86] If the amount specified in the ketubah is less than the appropriate amount, then sexual intercourse that the couple engages in is licentious even if the woman has agreed to accept the lower amount. It is not a matter of her discretion to accept less.[87]

If the customary amount is higher among women in the bride's family, she is to receive the higher amount. If it is even higher than that among women in the groom's family, then she receives the amount customary in his family. This applies even if the ketubah written for their marriage specifies a lower amount.[88]

The Jewish courts of our time are still empowered to adjudicate cases concerning marriage contracts.[89]

The bride's father (or her family if her father is not alive) should provide a dowry to the groom in accordance with local custom. This amount is written into the ketubah (marriage contract) or, if it is the local practice, a larger amount is so written. The amount written is to be paid to the woman, in addition to the ketubah amount (at least 100 or 200 zuz), upon divorce or the death of the husband.[90]

It is permitted for a woman to sell her marriage contract, meaning that in case she is widowed or divorced the person who bought the contract receives the ketubah amount. However, if she dies before her husband, the owner of her marriage contract receives nothing.[91]

After the marriage is finalized, a man should not engage in work or trade but should celebrate by eating, drinking and being happy with his bride for seven days if she is a virgin and for at least three days if she is not.[92]

If he married multiple wives on the same day, he is not to mix his days with one wife with his days with another wife. Isserles says: It is forbidden to finalize marriage with two sisters at the same time.[93]

The father of the bride is to provide her with things she needs for maintenance. If he is poor, the minimum is clothing suitable for a poor woman. He is to provide for her in accordance with his wealth.[94]

The first son to marry acquires his father's house. If he is not the eldest son, the house must be completely empty for him to acquire it.[95]

Accusation of non-virginity (Shulchan Aruch). A man who wrote a ketubah of 200 zuz based on his bride's presumed virginity may charge her with non-virginity unless he has been secluded with her prior to finalization of the marriage.[96] A charge of non-virginity may be based on the absence of blood upon sexual intercourse or the absence of pressure required to penetrate her during intercourse.[97]

If the groom charges the bride with non-virginity based on the absence of blood upon intercourse, she is to be examined for illness or malnourishment that might have given this result. She is brought to the bathhouse and provided with food and drink. Then, when her health and nutrition have been restored, the claim of non-virginity is accepted if no blood is produced upon subsequent sexual intercourse.[98]

A claim of non-virginity based on lack of resistance during the first intercourse is valid only if the bride has not yet reached maturity. The man is to be questioned as to whether, perhaps, he entered his bride at an angle or was not sufficiently patient. If he denies these possibilities, then the claim of non-virginity is considered valid.[99]

If the accusation of non-virginity is deemed valid, the woman loses the primary amount of her ketubah (200 zuz). She receives any additional amount above that unless there is proof, or she admits, that she had sexual intercourse prior to her betrothal. He may require her to take a sacred oath that she did not have intercourse prior to their betrothal and if she swears that then she is entitled to the amount above the primary amount of her ketubah.[100]

If the woman says that her non-virginity was caused by her being raped after the time of her betrothal, she is to be believed and the full 200 zuz ketubah remains in effect. If she says that the signs of non-virginity are the result of having been injured by a piece of wood of a tree in an accident, then her primary ketubah amount is reduced to 100 zuz. If the groom wants to keep her as his wife after making a claim of non-virginity which is accepted as valid, then he must write for her a new ketubah for 100 zuz, as is appropriate for a non-virgin.[101]

Laws of Religion is a project of the Religion Research Society.