Home – Laws of Religion, Judaism and Islam

 

Next – 12. Personal Grooming and Circumcision

 

Table of Contents – Laws of Judaism Concerning Women and Men

 

 

Laws of Religion

Laws of Judaism Concerning Women and Men

 

11. Modesty

from the Biblical Books of Moses (Torah),

the Code of Maimonides (Mishneh Torah)

and the Shulchan Aruch

 

 

Modesty

From the Biblical Books of Moses (Torah)

 

The Torah explains that when the first man and the first women were created, they were naked but were not ashamed.[1] But after the woman and the man ate the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, which God had forbidden them to eat[2], they became ashamed of their nakedness and sewed loincloths for themselves out of fig leaves.[3] Then God made clothing out of skins for the two of them.[4]

 

When a priest enters the Tent of Meeting or comes near the altar (later in the Temple in Jerusalem), he must wear a linen undergarment that covers his nakedness from his hips to his thighs. If his genitals are not so covered, he will die because of his guilt.[5]

 

In one story in the Torah, when Rebekah saw Isaac coming toward her and her maids, she put on a veil and modestly covered herself.[6] In another story, Tamar put on a veil and covered her face and, as a result, Judah thought she was a prostitute.[7]

 

A woman shall not wear men’s clothing and a man shall not wear a woman’s garment. This is an abomination to the Lord.[8]

 

Modesty

Jewish Law (Halakha) from the Code of Maimonides (Mishneh Torah)

 

(Editor’s note: This page discusses the general topic of modesty. The specific topic of modesty while praying is covered in the section of this website on Ritual Purity.)

 

Contents:

 

Modesty of women

 

Modesty of men

 

Modesty of both women and men

 

 

Modesty of women (Maimonides, Mishneh Torah). A Jewish woman should not walk in the marketplace with her hair uncovered.[9] A wife who goes outside without covering her hair has violated the Laws of Moses and, as a result, forfeits the amount of her ketubah.[10]

 

In some places, such as Europe, it is now (i.e., in the time of Maimonides) the custom of Jewish women to walk about in the marketplace with their faces uncovered. In other places the custom is that Jewish women do not go out in the street or the marketplace at all, or they cover their faces with a veil when they do go out. [11]

 

In places where it is customary for a woman when outside her home not to just wear a cap on her head but to have her whole body covered by a veil that is like a cloak, her husband must provide such a garment for her.[12]

 

 

A woman should not be confined to her home at all times; she should be able to visit her father's house, a house of mourning or a wedding celebration. A husband should prevent his wife from going out of the house more than once or twice a month, as the need arises.[13]

 

A man who prevents his wife from visiting a house of mourning or a wedding celebration has, in effect, locked her in a prison; he must divorce her and pay the amount specified in her ketubah. If he justifies his behavior by saying that there are indecent people at the house of mourning or the wedding and there are such people there, then he is permitted to prevent his wife from attending.[14]

 

A man may prevent his wife from visiting her father, but if he does this for too long (more than one month if the father lives in the same city), then he must divorce her and pay the amount in her ketubah.[15]

 

 

It is a religious commandment for a man to divorce his wife if she has bad character and does not maintain the modest behavior of a virtuous Jewish woman.[16] A woman is to be divorced without receiving any of the amount of her ketubah for violating practices of Judaism concerning female modesty. These violations are: going out in a public street or alley without wearing a veil like all other women, even if her hair is covered by a kerchief; spinning yarn in the market with her arms showing or with a rose or similar ornament on her face like promiscuous heathen women; flirting with young men; and asking for sex from her husband so loudly that neighbors hear her talking about sex; and cursing her father-in-law in front of her husband.[17] This applies only when there are witnesses to her behavior and she was warned by her husband in advance.[18] However, in such cases of a wife violating the Laws of Moses or the practices of Judaism, her husband is not required to divorce her if he chooses not to. Even when he does not divorce her for these actions, she forfeits the full amount of her ketubah.[19]

 

A woman should not ask her husband to have sexual intercourse with her or speak about it. She should always be discreet and not behave in a frivolous or jesting manner in her husband's presence. Also, she should take care when around her husband's family or household members never to act in such a way as to arouse his jealousy.[20]

 

It is forbidden for any woman other than a man's wife to perform personal services for him: washing his face, hands or feet; arranging his bed in his presence; pouring his drink.[21]

 

A widow should not have a dog because it will cause people to suspect that she is having sexual intercourse with the animal.[22] A woman should not acquire a male slave, even a minor, because of suspicion that she will have sexual intercourse with him.[23] Maimonides gives his personal opinion that this applies only to male slaves nine years old or older.[24] (Sexual intercourse with a male less than nine years old does not count as sexual intercourse.[25])

 

 

Modesty of men (Maimonides, Mishneh Torah). A man should avoid levity, intoxication and sexually suggestive conversation because these are likely to lead to forbidden sexual intercourse. A man should not live without a wife because marriage leads to great purity. The Sages said that a man should always be focused on the Torah and increasing his knowledge in wisdom because thoughts of forbidden sexual relations occur only in a heart that is lacking in wisdom.[26]

 

A man who derives lustful pleasure from physical contact with a female relative who is forbidden to him by the Torah (Leviticus 18) is subject to a flogging, even though sexual intercourse did not occur but only hugging or kissing.[27] It is forbidden for a man to act frivolously with such a forbidden woman such as winking or making suggestive motions with his hands or legs. He may not smell her perfume or gaze at her beauty. Such actions make him liable to flogging for disobedience. He is forbidden from hearing her sing or looking at her hair. If he looks at even just her little finger for the purpose of deriving pleasure from it, it is as serious a transgression as if he had looked at her genitals.[28] When a man transgresses by gazing at a woman who is forbidden to him, he is unlikely to repent because he will generally consider it to be of no consequence though, in fact, it is a great sin because it can lead to forbidden sexual intercourse.[29] 

 

A man is forbidden to look at a woman while she is washing clothes. He is also forbidden to look at the brightly colored garments of a woman whom he knows, for this may result in unchaste sexual thoughts coming into his mind.[30] A man must not walk behind a woman he sees in the street, but must catch up with her and walk beside her or in front of her. He must stay at least four cubits away from the door of a harlot.[31] Unless it is his job to breed animals, a man is not to look at animals copulating.[32]

 

It is, however, completely appropriate for a man to look at an unmarried woman to judge if she is attractive to him so that he might marry her.[33] Also, a man may gaze at his wife when she is forbidden to him because of her menstrual period. But he should not joke or act frivolously with her, lest this lead to forbidden contact.[34]

 

A man is not to inquire about a woman's well-being, even if the inquiry is made through an intermediary messenger.[35]

 

Only married men should teach young children. If an unmarried man is a teacher, the mothers of his students will come to the school for their children and he may be aroused by them. Similarly, if a woman is teaching, the fathers of her students will come and she may find herself alone with one of them.[36]

 

To guard against unseemly sexual thoughts, a man should not go to a bathhouse with his father, his sister's husband, his student[37] or his father-in-law.[38] In some locations, custom also prevents two brothers from going to the bathhouse together.[39]

 

A married man is permitted to hold his penis with his hand when urinating. An unmarried man is forbidden from touching his genitals at any time, including while urinating, since this may lead to sexual thoughts; for the same reason he should never even put his hand below his navel.[40]

 

A man is forbidden from causing himself to have an erection or to intentionally have sexual thoughts. If his thoughts do turn to sex, he is to focus his attention on the Torah instead. He is not to sleep on his back, facing upward, since his penis may become erect as a result.[41] A man who intentionally causes himself to have an erection is to be placed under a ban of ostracism.[42]

 

Releasing sperm wastefully is forbidden. Therefore, a man who uses his hand to cause ejaculation of semen has committed a great transgression and is to be placed under a ban of ostracism from the community of Jews; such masturbation is as serious as killing a person.[43]

 

A scholar of the Torah is to maintain exceptional modesty, baring neither his body nor his head. He should go to the most private place within his house or within a cave to defecate. If he is out in the open when defecating, he should make sure he is out of sight of others so they will not see his bare body. If he defecates behind a fence, he should go far enough away from other people to ensure that they cannot hear the sound of his passing gas. He will not speak when defecting, even when there is a great need to do so. For the sake of modesty, he should not uncover himself in the privy until he is seated. After defecating, he should not use his right hand for wiping himself clean.[44] It is permitted on the Sabbath (when such an action might otherwise be considered as prohibited work) to carry three rounded stones into the privy for cleaning oneself.[45] (Editor's note: This implies that three is the appropriate number of stones for this purpose.) A stone is preferable to a pottery shard for such cleaning unless the shard is from a handle. Likewise, a stone is to be used rather than grass unless the grass is soft. [46] At all times (including today[47]), it is forbidden to defecate or to construct a privy or to sleep facing east or west – the direction of the Temple (in Jerusalem); one must face either north or south.[48]

 

Modesty of both women and men (Maimonides, Mishneh Torah). If a man makes a vow that requires his wife to repeat to others any of the joking and frivolous things that he and his wife have said to each other concerning their acts of sexual intercourse, then he is required to divorce her and pay the amount of her ketubah. This is because it is not acceptable for a woman to speak so brazenly to others about such lascivious matters.[49]

 

During festivals, the Jewish court is to appoint officers to make sure that men and women do not gather together in gardens, orchards or river banks eating and drinking, which can result in immoral activities. These officers are also to warn men and women not to gather together in homes when celebrating, and not to drink too much wine, since immoral behavior can result.[50]

 

Modesty

Jewish Law (Halakha) from the Shulchan Aruch

 

 

Contents:

 

Clothing rules

 

Interactions between men and women

 

Rules concerning defecation

 

Rules concerning the penis

 

 

Clothing rules (Shulchan Aruch). When getting dressed, a person should remain lying in bed to put on his undergarment so that his private parts are covered when he gets up. He should not sit up first because then he will be exposed before putting on his undergarment.[51] He should not assume because he is in an inner room that no one can see his nakedness, for God sees everything.[52]

 

A man should not walk even a few steps without covering his head, out of respect for the Divine Presence. Isserles^** says: One's entire body should be covered, including one's feet.[53]

 

The right shoe should be put on first and left unfastened. Then the left shoe is to be put on and fastened before returning to the right shoe and fastening it. Isserles says: If the shoes have no fastening, the right one is to be put on first.[54] When taking one's shoes off, the left one is to be removed first.[55]

 

A Jewish woman, whether married or unmarried, is forbidden to go to the marketplace with her hair uncovered.[56]

 

In some places, it is the custom of Jewish women to walk about in the marketplace with their faces uncovered, but elsewhere they stay veiled.[57] The clothing that a man must provide for his wife must be suitable for both rainy and sunny months. If they live in a place where a woman would not go to the market without a veil covering her whole body, then he must provide this for her also.[58]

 

 

Interactions between men and women (Shulchan Aruch). A man should stay far away from women and not flirt with any female relative forbidden to him for marriage or gaze at her beauty. It is forbidden to smell the perfume on a woman or to look at her colorful clothing, even if she is not wearing it, to prevent forbidden thoughts from entering his mind. A man must not walk behind a woman in the marketplace, but must catch up with her and walk beside her or in front of her. To look upon even the finger of a woman lustfully is as if he had seen her private place. A man is forbidden to even look at the hair or hear the voice of a woman forbidden him. A man who does any of these things is subject to a flogging for disobedience.[59]

 

It is, however, appropriate for a man to look at an unmarried woman to determine if she is attractive to help him decide if he will marry her. But he is to refrain from having lascivious thoughts about her.[60] Also, a man may gaze upon his wife at any time, even when she is menstruating and forbidden to him, and he may take pleasure in doing this.[61]

 

It is forbidden to inquire about the welfare of a woman through anyone except her husband. Regards may not be sent to a woman even through her husband.[62]

 

Hugging and kissing close relatives of the opposite sex is forbidden, even for those relatives who are forbidden for marriage and who would not generally inflame lust, such as one's aunt or adult sister. The exceptions are a father and his daughter, and a mother and her son, who may hug and kiss. They may even sleep next to each other with their skin touching, but only as long as the son or daughter are still children.[63] 

 

It is forbidden to be secluded alone with a person of the opposite sex who is forbidden for sexual relations. Such seclusion will result in forbidden sexual activity. However, a father may be alone with his daughter, a mother with her son, and a husband with his menstruating wife as long as their marriage has already been consummated.[64] If the female is less than three years old or the male less than nine years old, seclusion with them is permitted because sexual intercourse with them does not count legally as intercourse^*.[65]

 

In fact, seclusion of a man with any unmarried woman, whether forbidden to him or not, or a female non-Jew is forbidden and incurs a flogging for disobedience on both the man and the woman. However, if the woman is married there is no punishment so as to prevent rumors from spreading that she had sexual intercourse with him, which would raise questions concerning who her children's father is.[66]

 

A man may be secluded with any other woman if his wife is present since the wife will prevent any unlawful activity from occurring. However, a Jewish woman may not be secluded with a non-Jewish man even if his wife is present.[67]

 

Only married men should teach children. Mothers picking up their children at school will be aroused if the teacher is an unmarried man. Similarly, female teachers would find themselves alone with fathers picking up their children.[68]

 

Unless his wife is with him, a scholar of the Torah is forbidden to live in a courtyard where a widow lives because of the suspicion that this will raise.[69]

 

Isserles^** says: The Talmud forbade a man from going to the bathhouse with his brother, his father, his mother's husband or his sister's husband because sexual thoughts might arise. However, now this is permitted since men will cover their genitals in the bathhouse so there is no concern about such thoughts.[70]

 

A widow should not raise a dog[71] and no woman may own a male slave, even one who is a child[72] because people will suspect that she is having sexual intercourse with them.

 

 

Rules concerning defecation (Shulchan Aruch). Modesty is to be preserved when in the privy. A person should remain covered until he is seated. Two men are not be in the privy at the same time. One should not talk when in the privy. The privy door is to be locked to protect one's modesty.[73]

 

It is permitted to defecate in an open field from behind a fence. When defecating out in the open, a man should move to where his friend cannot see him.[74]

 

A man should train himself to defecate in the morning and in the evening.[75] Modesty should be preserved when defecating at night, just as it is during the day.[76]

 

Only the left hand should be used to wipe oneself clean after defecating.[77] If it is necessary to use a pebble or wood chip to open up one's anus, this should be done before sitting down. If it is done after sitting down, it incurs the danger of witchcraft.[78]

 

A person should only allow exposure of nakedness from behind for a distance of one handbreadth. A man may allow exposure from the front for no more than two handbreadths. A woman is not to have any distance of exposure from the front.[79]

 

Defecation in an open place is to be done only when facing south or north. Facing east or west is forbidden. This restriction does not apply to urination.[80] If the Temple Mount in Jerusalem is within eyesight of where one is defecting, one should not face the location where the Temple was, but rather keep it to one's side.[81]

 

^*Sexual intercourse with a female less than three years and one day old is not considered as sexual intercourse[94] because, according to the codes of Jewish law, healing will restore the hymen, and thus the virginity of such a young female, following intercourse.[95] Similarly, sexual intercourse with a male less than nine years old does not count as sexual intercourse according to the codes of Jewish law.[96]

 

^**The Shulchan Aruch, written by Joseph Caro in the 16th century, represents his Sephardic background. Printed copies of the Shulchan Aruch always include the comments of Moses Isserles, which are written from an Ashkenazi perspective.

 

^***The general prohibition against ejaculation of semen anywhere other than in the vagina of a potentially fertile female relates to the Bible story[97] in which God puts Onan to death after Onan spills his semen on the ground to avoid impregnating the wife of his dead brother.

 

________________

Home – Laws of Religion, Judaism and Islam

 

Next – 12. Personal Grooming and Circumcision

 

Table of Contents – Laws of Judaism Concerning Women and Men

Abbreviations used in footnotes:

Gen: The Biblical book of Genesis.

Exod: The Biblical book of Exodus.

Lev: The Biblical book of Leviticus.

Num: The Biblical Book of Numbers.

Deut: The Biblical Book of Deuteronomy.

 

MT:  The Mishneh Torah of Maimonides (Code of Maimonides). The names of the specific books and treatises within each book are given according to the Yale University Press translation and also the Moznaim/Touger Hebrew transliterations to facilitate locating the texts posted here.

F:  indicates page numbers in the Feldheim Publishers, Ltd., translation of Book 1 of the Mishneh Torah of Maimonides, the Book of Knowledge.

M:  indicates page numbers in the relevant volume of the Moznaim Publishing Corporation’s Touger translation. (Some of the books of Mishneh Torah are published in several volumes by Moznaim, so the Moznaim volume numbers do not correspond to the Book numbers of Maimonides’ work.)

Y:  indicates page numbers in the translation of the Yale University Press Judaica Series.

 

SA:  The Shulchan Aruch of Joseph Caro, with the comments of Moses Isserles noted, as appropriate. Our summaries are based on the Sefaria English translation, which is not yet complete. The four sections of the Shulchan Aruch are on Sefaria at the following links: Orach Chayim, Yoreh De'ah, Even HaEzer and Choshen Mishpat.

    

●  The sources cited are described on the page Source Texts Used for Laws of Judaism.